LIB 35 – The Throwback Campaign Session 18: The Wraith of Skon

Duration: 5:46

During opening banter time Dan uncovered the secrets of “developmental” English, while Louis dotted the i’s on his encounter.

Big Jim: “Spandau, that tiger is coming with us into combat. It is time for him to do something more than shit on the neighbor’s lawn and stop people from setting your bed on fire.”

…

Apical: “So he is not going to lunge at children?”

Louis: “It is LIKELY that he won’t.”

Big Jim: “That’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

We were looking for a lawyer “who is not afraid to murder a lawyer”.

Louis made a strong point to note that we don’t know of such things as Alchemist’s Fire or Tanglefoot Bags. This is an old school game damn it. Such fancy things don’t exist.

While working out our cover story for Skon being with us at the Mystery House, when we were supposed to leave him behind…

Aaron: “If you are willing to murder a lawyer, then lying about someone not being there is no problem.”

Dan: “… it wasn’t murder.”

Rob: “It was pretty much murder.”

Dan: “We did nothing wrong.”

Aaron: “What’a ya me we? That incident was your fault.”

Dan: “… I was just trying to show my, uh, dominance.”

….

Dan: “Go back and read the post… he told us to leave it alone…. wouldn’t give us information… So it was his fault really.”

More Cannon Fodder

We visited the Adventurer’s Guild to inquire on a cleric, and to pick up some more meat shields. The crowd at the Guild was light due to conscription and only had draft dodgers available. 20! We hear that a female cleric of the Self Reliant is around, so we send a message to them and get a meeting tomorrow. Big Jim gave him some crap as to why we had to wait until tomorrow, but when the clerk asked if we would be waiting around all day Big Jim nearly yelled negativ-o, then complained about the clerk’s attitude.

We hired a couple new winners…

Clerk: “…a couple of guys looking to get into the man-at-arms business.”

Big Jim: “I’ve got a bad feeling about this man-at-arms business.”

Heleth proposed a tournament in the Henresey Lot including 3-legged races, hurtling street urchins and egg balancing.

Dan: “The guy with a +1 dagger is a magic item feast.”

Dan: “Maybe we should play characters that give a shit.”

Aaron: “I cared at first, but the grittiness wears on you.”

…

Dan: “… I still consider myself Chaotic Good.”

*laughter*

While the potential hirees were being fethched, we went to Martin’s Magical Sundries to get some healing potions.

I recorded the price list so we know if Martin tries to screw us next time…

• 4400gp for a +”substantially” enchanted 2-handed sword
• 450gp for potion of Aid
• 320gp for a potion of Cure Light Wounds
• 550gp for a potion of Cure Serious Wounds
• 800gp for a potion of Cure Critical Wounds
• 4400gp for an Amulet of Health
• 9500gp for Boots of Springing and Striding

Spandau purchases a potion of spider climb for 320gp (I’m sure he will screw us with that).

Martin tried to sell us on the “extremely rate” Eversmoking Bottle for 5500gp…

Heleth: “I could just set something on fire and make some smoke.”

Martin: “Oh no, this is magical smoke. There is nothing like it in all the world.”

Apical: “How is this any better than regular smoke?”

Martin: “A fire eventually goes out.”

We uncovered that Heleth could use magical device, but it is unlikely.

Andrew uncovered that we use healing potions vs. Undead. Unfortunately we cannot use goodberries in this way, unless perhaps we get it down the Undead’s throat. This led to the assumption that undead have no gag reflex. Are Undead victims of the “only 2 goodberries at once” rule? This elevated conversation continued as Dan postulated that if we did manage to get a goodberry down a Ghast or Wight’s gullet would that soothes his bloodlust? Thus leaving us with a shiny, happy Mr Wight. We plan to stuff a cow’s brain with goodberries and throw it at undead. Unfortunately due to GM fiat it has been deemed that goodberries cannot be used against undead.

We go back to the Guild and hire a new pair of winners: Former Servant and Lazy Drunk

Apical (to Former Servant): “What manner of servitude did you perform previously?”

At this point, perhaps disgusted by our play, the Internet gave way.

Reboot HIRED!

Former Servant has left working for a noble house because they were rude to him, so went into the loading and unloading business…

Former Servant: “Then I decided to become a man-at-arms, that’s why I got this club.”

He had beaten someone with a chair when he was younger, but needs on-the-job training.

Big Jim: “Oh good, we hate people with experience.”

Arguing ensued over his qualifications…

Apical: “Would you rather have him or some lazy drunk?”

Big Jim: “We are gonna hire them both anyway.”

Lazy Drunk was still drunk/under the weather.

Lazy Drunk: “I’m pretty quick when I’m awake.”

Apical: “Can you throw a rock?”

Lazy Drunk: “…I can probably chuck one through a window from 50 feet.”

…

Big Jim: “Do you have any weapons?”

Lazy Drunk: “I have this club.”

Big Jim: “Another fucking club! Can you use any other weapons?”

Lazy Drunk: “Yeah, anything you can swing. Maybe an axe.”

Apical: “Can you move at the pace of a normal man?”

We had him run to the end of the block and back. He moved pretty quick while hung over. Lazy Drunk was previously a city guard in Ankara, but was fired and took up drinking.  Louis selected some fantastic icons.

We hired them both and went shopping.

Basic Outfitters

Heleth: “Do you have any Acid?”

Thomas: “We do not have any acid here. That is too exotic.”

Heleth bought some flasks of oil.

Apical bought a generic, black, leather mask from Mark the Manager…

Spandau: “All must see the face of Spandau.”

Big Jim: “Or the back of his head while he is running away.”

There was some grumbling as to what to do if the Thieves Guild dicks us around again. We then headed back to Honeycomb Hideout to grab the boys. This time took the time to give them chain mail to make them look more impressive.

We decided to actually give chain mail to Ornery Ex-Cooper since he has been with us for awhile.

Fortified Armorer’s

We tried to find a tower shield for one of the Honeycomb Hideout Kids. The plan was to use him as a moviable fortification, while the feebs hid behind him and ducked out to throw rocks at the enemny.

Robillio offered to sell us an innovative tower shield reinforced with hides on the back, for use as a bedroll. However, like a pathetic version of the sword in the stone none of the party could effectively carry it.

Apical: “Maybe this is just a bad idea.”

Heleth: “Well it was a fun outing.”

Big Jim: “It was definitely worth exploring.”

Heleth: “Mr. Umbrage could you pick it up?”

…

Big Jim: “I’ve got 18 strength and I have primaries in strength and con.”

Heleth: “What does that mean?”

Big Jim: “It means I am someone who you don’t want to fuck with.”

…

*Big Jim picks up the tower shield, at the bequeath of Heleth, just to show them (our feeb army) how it’s done*

Louis: “It is lightly encumbering you.”

Big Jim: *puts down the tower shield* “Forget it. This is lightly encumbering me.”

In a Dark Alley

We marched down the gauntlet of “hidden” Thieves Guild members and approached Grimfavel and Grindek. However, just as we started talking to the Thieves Guild a LARGE contingent of Keepers approached, one of whom was identifed as Hooded Man. The party donned their masks.

Dan: “I put my mask on.”

Aaron: “Me too.”

Andrew: “I pull my hood over my head.”

Dan: “That is no substitute for a mask.”

Big Jim: “Masked Broad, get up here with me.”

…

Big Jim: “Get up here and show some balls. These guys usually back off if you give them some…. *I step back*

Groman claims the Thieves Guild violated their agreement, violating a Keeper protected location. Like a video game we were forced to wait for the scene to play out as we tried to interject but, like a Bluerazor handslap, were ignored.

Grimfavel: “Groman, you’re trying to overthrow this city.”

Groman: “Perhaps. Good-bye Grimfavel… (to his Keeper troops) Kill them all. Bring me their tongues.” (later Louis said he said this, but he actually did not).

Big Jim: “Uh, Grimfavel? Before we get going, do you have those potions?”

…

Big Jim: “Technically we don’t know what is blasphemous to the Keepers because they keep it secret.”

Hooded Man reveals himself to be Skon!

Big Jim (referring to Skon): “We did not even mind him spying on us. What a jerk.”

Grimfavel: “SKOOOOOOON!”

Clash of the Titans

The party was greatly insulted that one side ignored us and the other side thought they could handle us with old thieves, etc.

The remainder of the session was a massive battle. Here are the conflicting parties…

Sengazia Thieves Guild

• Grimfavel
• Grindek
• Bored Looking Whore -> Angry Whore
• Halfing Beggar -> Halfling Assassin
• Burnout -> Old Thief
• Filthy Beggar -> Actual Beggar (ran away, even when offered a gold piece)
• Larome
• Slingers (2)

Acen’s Angels (on the side of the Thieves Guild)

• Big Jim
• Apical
• Spandau
• Heleth
• Former Servant
• Lazy Drunk
• Ornery Ex-Cooper
• Grizzled Refugee
• Geornas
• Montacore

The Keepers

• Groman (left after casting Prayer in the first round)
• Burn Team (4)
• Protectors (4)
• Crossbowmen (4)
• Hooded Man -> Skon -> Doppleganger
• Smirking Man (aka Smirking Jerk-Off)
• Keeper Acolyte

The combat opened with Grimfavel blasting a magic item at Skon…. but missed.

Groman rides away, but leaves with a prayer, which boosts his entire team, and fucks Big Jim, Grimfavel and Apical.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I have noticed a pattern… NPC ally misses…

Dan: “For god’s sake.”

Aaron: “Damn it.”

Andrew: “Oh no.”

Rob: *laughs*

Spandau enforces emasculation with warp wood upon a Protector.

As per Apical’s MO he suffered most of his damage at the start of combat, thus leaving him to walk the edge. This time the damage was at the hand of many devastating rocks. Louis received several “a-hole”‘s for that.

Two Thieves Guild Slingers appeared on the roof of the Soft Skin.

Spandau: “Past is past. Now we must fight together.”

Big Jim: “Oh, look who’s talking… until the imaginary damage shows up.”

Smirking Man casts Hold Animal on Monticore.

The Thieve’s Guild showed how pathetic they are with old thieves, whores, and burnouts throwing rocks.

Thanks to Groman’s Prayer spell Protector 4 was saved from dropping after being critically hit by Big Jim. We had to wait until next round for Heleth’s flaming oil to finish him off. Unfortunately Grindeck wasted his next attack killing the guy

In an attempt to break the line Lazy Drunk charged the end of the line and clubbed a crossbowman, showing he has some former city guard skillz.

Apical was critically hit by a prayer-enhanced rock for 3 points….

Aaron: “You’re really sticking it into us good aren’t you GM.”

Louis: “Uh, that’s Castle Keeper to you.”

The burn team members have a special quiver to hold burning torches on their backs.

Grizzled Refuge goes down.

Dan: “You don’t have any more warp wood spells do ya Rob?”

Rob: “No, it is one of my upper level spells.”

*laughter*

Suddenly another Skon appears in the alley behind us…

Skon: “Did I hear someone call my name? What the hell is going on?”

The first Skon (formerly Hooded Man) becomes a Doppleganger… “I’m Skon.”

Crossbowman fires at the dog.

Smirking Man releases a Snake out of his backpack.

Larome gets hit in the back of the head with a friendly rock.

Heleth flubs throwing a flaming oil and bathes Former Servant in flaming oil…

Big Jim: “He is gonna want a raise after this.”

Protector 4 decided to attack the dog…

Aaron: “Aside from being sadistic, that is incredibly insulting as Apical is standing right next to him.”

Louis: “Well, you’re just a Halfling”.

In an unorthodox move, Spandau created water over some of the Burn Team members, in order to save his future Swarm from easily being burned.

In the ultimate dick move Burn Team 2 walks up an burns Grizzled Refuge (who was bleeding on the ground) to death, but his years of directly applicable experience kept him alive.

Former Servant took a massive shot (8 points) from Burn Team 4, but was ironically killed by Heleth’s accidentally spilled flaming oil…

Louis: “The combination of the wounds and burns were fatal. He died of shock.”

Big Jim: “So much for that career move.”

Apical: “He should have stuck with loading and unloading.”

Aaron: “He lasted 3 rounds and 5 minutes of RP time.”

Big Jim: “I’ll miss his smiling face.”

Apical: “I’ll miss his chipper attitude.”

After all his years of experience Old Thief can only manage a dagger.

Louis: “Keeper Skon drops his crossbow and his face melts off”… and becomes Doppleganger.

The party briefly argued over who got credit for calling it.

Louis: “Dropping any pretence of being Skon it casts mirror image…. there are now 6 dopplegangers.”

Big Jim: “Someone else handle that.”

Halfling Assassin, continues to waste rounds and “studies his opponent”.

Apical continued to miss with his Stunning Fist.

Slinger pegs Angry Whore in the back of the head. She goes down.

Some time later…

Louis: “Angry Whore stabilizes.”

Spandau: “Maybe I’ll get a freebie.”

Louis: “Burn Team 2 is holding a torch on Grizzled Refugee.”

Heleth missed the guy in front of him and splashed the Burn Team 3 behind him for 1 point, which Andrew was unreasonably happy with. Andrew hoped this would startle Burn Team 3, but since he was on a BURN TEAM he was used to such things. Andrew begins to argue.

Dan: “Can we move on please Andrew?”

Spandau (decrescendo): “Time to forth the full, mighty power of my uh power there and all that…”

Big Jim: “What?”

Apical: “He’s going to cast Swarm.”

Louis: “Halfling Assassin… the target he was studying is dead.”

Dan: “That is a good excuse to not get involved.”

…

Party: “Classic Schultz.”

Apical finally lands a successful stunning fist on Protector 4. Geornas immediately took advantage (8 points). Seizing his opportunity the (Angry Whore’s?) dog fails to bite Protector 4.

Smirking Man attached Faire Fire to Grimfavel and Big Jim.

Heleth defiantly empties the contents of a flask of oil at Burn Team 3′s feet (rolls a 1)…

Big Jim: “… you throw like a girl.”

As the snake continues to bite at Apical, Spandau contemplates adding the snake to his animal horde, but in typical Spandau fashion, puts nothing into action.

Apical: “No one should have to be burned when they are unconscious.”

Spandau takes a critical hit (5 points) from a rock and immediately bellyaches.

Grimfavel continued to miss…

Big Jim: “He do better just picking his pocket next time.”

Crossbowman 4 kills the dog….

Dan: “The dog died. This game is no longer fun.”

The poisonous snake bit Apical… SAVED!

The party erupted in anger when Keeper Acolyte stepped back and drank a potion for 7 points!

Big Jim (to Helenth): “Stop swooning over Lazy Drunk… every one of these drunks is a hard luck story… and it’s always not their fault.”

Old Thief goes down, dying doing what he loved, as is always the propaganda.

Halfing Assassin continues to study an opponent.

Dan: “He should put the assassin title in quotation marks.”

Montacore finally becomes un-paralyzed. After surveying, he decides he does not like Smirking Man. Smirking Man is understandably horrified. To his benefit Montacore rips Smirking Man apart – swallowing him in 1 round.

Spandau: “That’s what he gets for bringing a snake to a tiger fight… I am full of Marc Singer like pride.”

We start removing the mirror images.

Heleth recovers from her 1 round of blindness. EDITOR’S NOTE: I missed how she became blind, and I did not care enough to rewind and find out.

After a bad miss…

Big Jim: “No amount of Fairy Fire is gonna make that hit.”

Doppleganger takes off running…

Heleth: “Go after him Apical.”

Spandau: “Yeah use your Monk speed.”

Apical: “You mean the speed that allows me to move as fast as a normal man?”

Spandau: “I would but…well, I don’t like to sweat.”

The Prayer, from the start of the combat, finally wears off.

Spandau: “Spandau doesn’t sprint. That is beneath him.”

Andrew: “Thanks for running these games Louis. This is a lot of fun.”

Aaron: “Yeah, it is a lot of fun for him fucking us.”

Ornery Ex-Cooper goes down, but is stabilizes on his own.

The final mirror image is dismissed.

The Doppleganger starts to Blink. Limiting us to only being able to hit him with magical weapons (without taking a sizable penalty). This leaves Apical’s fists and Heleth’s +1 dagger.

Big Jim: “You better stab him with that or I’m taking it back.”

…

Rob: “I don’t bother. I’ll never roll a 20. I just hang out.”

Aaron: “Louis is starting to run out of shapes to throw on us.”

Rob: “May I suggest a rhombus… I like saying rhombus.”

Doppleganger creates a fog bank… then we all went into a fog as Louis lost power. Robbing us of the satisfaction of finishing off Doppleganger. We had to complete the rest over email (which is pending Louis).

Next Session

Apical should level, as will Heleth. We will have conversation with the tattered remains of the Thieves Guild/Skon. Later we will meet up with a female cleric of the Self Reliant. Apical is very excited.

After Dark

Sniveling Wayne developed a tick where he let lose a specific whine on his turn, so I present to you the Sniveling Wayne-isms…

• We’re in dire straits here.
• My mom didn’t hug me enough as a child. Whaa.
• I had to wear my brother’s hand me downs. Whaa.
• All the neighborhood kids called me names. Whaa.
• My genitals are 70% of average. Whaa.
• My hemorrhoids hurt when I sit down. Whaa.
• My knee aches when it rains. Whaa.
• I have elephantitis of the balls. Whaa.
• This guy is hard to hit. Whaaa.
• My arm is tired of throwing rocks. Whaa.
• I’m tired of staring at items for 24 hours. Whaa. At least I got to sit down during that. Whaa.
• The smell of urine makes me break out in hives. Whaa.