LIB 34 – Throwback Campaign Session 17: Unity

Duration: 6:35

Andrew rolled HP for reaching level 2 for surviving last session. Rob noted how he has only been damaged once (foreshadowing). We gave Andrew shit for using an official C&C sheet instead of a single piece of paper, which is old school.

We began the session in front of the mysterious House in the slums, which the Thieves Guild had sent us to investigate. We sent Heleth to scout the circumference of the building.

Door Jam

Heleth: “Are these the people that set fire to your grandma Mr. Umbrage?”

Big Jim: “Uh, yeah. Let’s keep that as an option.”

We spent so much time in front of the house discussing a plan that two guards exited the front door to question us. They told us to beat feet, then headed back inside. Big Jim charged after them and caught the door before they closed.

Dan: “I think I’ll just chop ‘em down here. We have a good choke point.”

Inside we see several Masked Guards, Dwarven Warriors, a Servant, and a Doorman

Big Jim is critically hit by a rock in the face (2 points)…

Dan: “I am not going to run away like Confused Foreigner.”

Heleth and Zaxin crashed through a window into the dining hall, while the rest of us jammed up the front door.

Spandau pointed out a party deficiency so he could solve it by casting Barkskin on Apcial, then (ironically) commanded him to not run away. It did save Apical several hits, and Spandau took credit each and every time.

We managed to hit a fewMasked  Guards, but repeatedly did minimum damage.

Grizzled Refugee missed and pegged Apical in the back of the head with a rock.

Dwarf Warrior 1 critically hit Apical for 16 points, a long sword sinks painfully into his shoulder. Apical stepped back off the front line to quaff a healing potion and, not surprisingly, no one filled the hole.

Masked Guard 3 critically hit Apical in the other shoulder for 16 points.

Apical: “Oh god. I am going to have to hire someone to masturbate for me. Call me Oblong. That smarts.”

Doorman ran around the house throughout the entire combat, and finally slipped out.

We left a large pile of bodies at the front door.

Dan: “I swing at Masked Guard 3…. 10!”

Louis: “Miss”

Dan: “Fuck that.”

Louis: “Hit”

Andrew: “Do I roll damage?”

Dan: “No. It’s just enough knowing that you hit him.”

Andrew: “Excuse me. It is the first time I actually did damage since the game started.”

Louis: “If you don’t count stabbing a helpless dude in the knee.”

Ornery Ex-Cooper struck down (unconscious) by Masked Guard 4.

Spandau (moved his swarm): “Eat potential rabies!”

Zaxin gets hit with a Shocking Grasp and goes down (unconscious) as he climbs into the kitchen window.

Dan: “OK, now that we have baptized the foyer with blood…”

We finally cleared the entry and rejoined the kitchen party. Apical felled a Mage (calling guys at this level “Mage” is remarkably generous) engaged with the dining hall  party with an arrow.

Sniveling Wayne was ordered to stay behind and patch up Ornery Ex-Cooper.

Second Floor

We moved up the stairs to the second level. There the party encountered several Warriors, Crossbowmen, a Woman and others.

Louis: “Doorman goes through a door and closes it behind him… Doorman hides in the shadow.”

A time distortion prevented those still on the first floor from reaching the second floor in a timely fashion. Not entirely due to Spandau’s lackadaisical attitude.

Warrior 2 critically hit Apical, thankfully for a mere 2 points.

Crossbowman 3 takes down Grizzled Refuge (5 points), who goes down immediately (unconscious).

We noted our poor recent encounter history: fled from a Wight, murdered a lawyer, and now this.

Heleth and Servant began an “epic battle” in the back hallway.

Spandau was hit by Warrior, ending his perfect record of never taking damage. There was rejoicing from the party.

Spandau, in retaliation, moved his swarm onto Warrior… “Yeah! Feel the power of nature’s fury for those who dare hurl rocks upon Spandau!” (classic Rob)

Andrew: “Jesus, he is going to be dead before you finish the speech.”

Woman, perhaps related to his “lover”, repeatedly tried to peg Spandau with rocks.

Apical stepped around the corner, with his enhanced vision, and blew his load as he sees 5 guys 10 feet in front of Big Jim.

Big Jim: “The good thing about Heleth is she knows how to take a good punch.”

Apical: “Damn it! Is a never ending line of these fucking sneering crossbowman.”

Dan noticed that Confused Foreigner has been standing around action-less for awhile. Apparently he was trying to figure out this concept known as initiative.

After the prolonged battle Heleth made her first kill, of Servant.

Woman repeatedly popped out of hiding to pelt Spandau with rocks. Finally she beaned him good.

Dangerously close to death Apical was able to deflect some bolts to prolong his life.

A Wraith appeared suspiciously, after Mystery Woman appeared from a back room. Big Jim was immediately confident it was an illusion. The rest of us, who were a fair bit closer to the Wraith, were not so cavalier.

Aaron: “I scream ’UNDEAD!’ and get ready to book.”

Dan: “Dude, it’s an illusion.”

Aaron: “I am so glad you are willing to stick MY LIFE on that.”

Spandau begins another lenghty speech about harnessing the might of nature against the Woman throwing rocks.

Apical: “I am so glad you are having a dramatic fight in your mind with a woman and some rocks, while I am over here getting raped by a Wraith.”

Doorman kept appearing and disappearing just as quickly, using his mastery of portals.

Heleth: “I run into the kitchen.”

Big Jim:”Thanks for that glorious contribution. The whole combat will now turn.”

A huddle of sneering crossbowmen, a mere 10 feet in front of Big Jim, but beyond his visual range, peppered him with shots.

Confused Foreigner was struck by the Wraith,. He stiffened and fell unconscious.

Big Jim: “Don’t worry it’s just illusionary damage. He only thinks he’s unconscious.”

Heleth fled to downstairs to the kitchen to look for oil to set the house aflame, and ran into Stocky Woman waiting for her with a sword.

Heleth: “Apickle…”

Apical: “It’s Apical! If I’m going to die, say my name right!”

Big Jim: “Those are his last words.”

The wraith continues to attack.

Spandau: “I have no confidence that this is an illusion.”

Big Jim: “It is an illusion.” (a stunning argument)

After trying to get Spandau to place his swarm on Mystery Woman so it will disrupt the possible illusionary Wraith…

Big Jim: “We are the worst adventuring party ever. Every time we have a lengthy debate about whether or not to go into combat .”

…

Spandau:(in regards to the Mystery Woman) “If this fails I am outta here.”

Big Jim: “Fine.”

Apical: “If this fails at least you will be between me and the Wraith. That is how you stay alive when you have to take care of yourself.”

Apical: “I almost lost both my arms.”

Spandau: “Yeah but I got hit with a rock!”

Helenth’s fight with the Stocky Woman spills out into the foyer. Helenth goes down, but Irritable Gnome steps up to the attack.

…

Mystery Woman goes down, but the Wraith remains hovering at the top of the stairs.

Spandau: “I have plenty (of HPs) left, but I still flee.”

Skon disappeared, circled around and appeared as he stumbled out from behind a Crossbowman in a backstab failure.

Louis: “Irritable Gnome chucks a rock at Stocky Woman.”

Spandau fails to disbelieve the Wraith…

Louis: “It is as real to you as anything.”

Spandau:(while running away)  ”YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT BIG JIM!”   editor’s note: No one ever calls him Jim. It is ALWAYS Big Jim, and no BJ.

…

Louis: “Spandau on the first floor, you see a Stocky Woman attempting to kill Irritable Gnome.”

Rob: “Fine. That means she’s not trying to kill me. …. I move at maximum speed towards the front door.”

Sniveling Wayne (near the front door with the unconscious body of Ornery Ex-Cooper): “Hey, what’s happening?”

Spandau: “RUN!” (Andrew suggested him saying: “ I’m going to get a wheelbarrow for all the gold!”)

Apical tried to sneak through another room to ambush Mystery Woman, but encounteres an empty room.

Louis: “Back on the first floor. Irritable Gnome pulls out a short sword and battles the Stocky Woman…. He misses completely.”

Louis: “Spandau?”

Rob: “I fucking slam the double doors shut and throw a Warp Wood spell on them to jam ‘em shut.”

Sniveling Wayne is trying to drag Ornery Ex-Cooper out the same doors behind him, but Spandau shoves him back in and slams the doors shut.

Sniveling Wayne: “You son of a bitch!”

…

Dan: “What is you’re alignment?”

Rob: “True Neutral.”

…

Louis: “Spandau, you can try your Warp Wood now.”

Spandau: “You can all so straight to hell! No one is following me!”

Dan: “You are definitely getting a sack beating for this.”

Aaron: “You are a horrible human being.”

Rob: “You have absolutely no evidence I am doing anything.”

Louis: “When you warp wood on the doors they shatter.”

Rob: “Good, I have saved the party.”

The door next to Apical opens and a Cloaked Man casts…something.

Aaron: (saving throw) “23!”

Louis: “You just fail.”

Aaron: “Are you kidding me?!”

Rob:(gleeful)  ”Looks like Spandau is starting his own adventuring party.”

Apical is now paralyzed, but thankfully Skon critically hits Cloaked Man. Earning severe praise.

Dan: “He gets a bonus this time… He can have Spandau’s share.”

The illusionary Wraith dissipates.

Irritable Gnome goes down, not in a good way, on Stocky Woman. He died. EDITOR’S NOTE: What will we do without Dancing Lights.

Spandau runs away.

Cloaked Man steps back and drinks a potion…

Rob: “Hey! That’s our loot!”

Her work done, Stocky Woman leaves.

Cloaked Man takes a critical hit from Big Jim, but survives. Cloaked Man takes off. Big Jim gives chase.

Apical regains feeling.

Big Jim follows Cloaked man down the hall and into a new room, running into the last Crossbowman and a gaggle of Skeletons. Cloaked Man then rudely heals himself, and proclaims…

Cloaked Man: “The power of Acen will defile you!”

Dan: “I am so sick of this guy.”

Aaron: “I know. I hate NPCs who heal themselves.”

Apical deftly deflects the arrow from Crossbowman 3. Skon takes down Crossbowman. Apical following the sounds of clanking weapons from down the hall…

Apical: “This way Skon!”

Apical lands a critical fist into Cloaked Man.

Apical: “Skon! Up here!”

Louis: “Skon is loitering, doing something, wherever he is.”

Apical: “Skon, get up here!”

Cloaked Man hits the room with a Soundburst; affecting Big Jim and the Skeletons (thanks to old school rules).

Apical: “Skon!”

Apical crunches a skeleton. Big Jim recovers from being stunned.

Cloaked Man commands Big Jim to DIE! Big Jim drops unconscious, but his armor protects him from the Skeleton’s feeble poking.

Doorman misses his chance to turn the tide.

Apical: “Skon!! Get over here.”

Rob starts rooting for the enemies so he can avoid a sack beating.

Louis: “Skon appears to be leaving!”

Big Jim/Apical: “You son of a bitch!”

Big Jim takes down Cloaked Man.

Louis: “Skon runs away.”

Apical: “You fucker. You went from hero to zero in about 3 seconds.”

Aaron: “Well I think everyone else is going to be removed from the charter, I tell ya that.”

In the aftermath…

Louis: “It appears as though Skon was rifling through the room of the Cloaked Man.”

Aaron: “Uh! He was getting something for the Thieve’s Guild, that piece of shit! That son of a bitch!”

Louis: “He saved your life only to screw you.”

We summed up the current party disposition: Confused Foreigner, Grizzled Refugee, Zaxin, and Heleth are unconscious but alive. Ornery Ex-Cooper and Sniveling Wayne ran off with Spandau. Irritable Gnome is dead.

Rob: “Spandau’s alive.”

Aaron: “He’s dead to us.”

The remnants of the party ransacked the remainder of the house. Big Jim was left with 5 HPs and Apical with 8 HPs. It is revealed that the Cloaked Man would have died several times except for his Prayer spell that reduced damage by 1 point.

Apical: “It may be time for Acen’s Angel’s to follow Gomwell through the secret passage to the East.”

Big Jim: “We have to wait for my Plate Mail to be finished.”

We discover a secret door, concealing a room of barrels…

Louis: “There are 6 barrels. Three are filled with ale, and 3 are filled with cheap wine.”

Aaron: “That is their secret? What is this, the House of Sobriety?”

In another secret room we found a chest with stinking bones and rags from peasants.

Aaron: “So far this house is a real disappointment. Other than we found out who our real friends are.” EDITOR’S NOTE: This is the real House of Pain.

We found another secret door, which led to an empty hallway, that led to another secret door. We uncovered a room filled with Undead. 3 Ghouls and six Zombies who, upon seeing Apical and Big Jim, lurched to attack. We tossed a torch in and hurriedly slammed the door.

We ran back to the foyer, quickly gathered the loot and unconscious fellows, and beat feet. The problem arose that we had four unconscious and could only carry three.

Dan: “I take Zaxin’s body and throw it in front of the secret door, so the ghouls start eating him and we can get away.”

Louis: “You realize he is still alive.”

Dan: “I don’t care.”

Naturally Andrew presented an argument in opposition. To whit Dan engaged, but in the end…

Dan: “Look, I am not going to stand here and have a debate with an unconscious woman.”

We then bravcly ran away as fast as we could.

Regrouping

We all ended up back together at the Honeycomb Hideout.

We told Heleth that Zaxin died defending us in a noble rear guard action. It was then pointed out that we had just let a pack of undead loose in the city streets.

Andrew: “You should but a call in.”

Dan: “How are we gonna put a call in? Anyway, they [the city watch] will figure it out quick enough when the zombies start eating people.” (foreshadowing)

Spandau was inside having a sandwich and sitting very close to the tiger.

Big Jim called in to our buddy. Spandau pokes his head out the door while eating a sandwich…

Spandau: “Oh hey, you guys survived.”

Big Jim: “No thanks to you, you fucker!”

Spandau: “blah, blah, blah… strategic retreat bull…. thought it was standard operating procedure that we see an undead and we book.”

…

Apical: “You are a piece of shit.”

…

Spandau: “I assumed the party was following me.”

Apical: “Apparently you didn’t stop to look behind you until you got back home and made a sandwich.”

…

Spandau: “What can I say. I am a high efficiency runner.”

Even Heleth and Sniveling Wayne gave Spandau shit.

Apical: “You’re on thin ice buddy.”

…

A lot of talk about the heroism of other party members who faught and took damage.

Spandau: “I have a bruise on my forehead.”

…

Heleth: “Coward… Pathetic… You sicken me.”

Spandau: “I sicked you because I fled more efficiently than you… Your fleeing abilities sicken me.”

Smart ass Spandau has a reasonable excuse up until…

Spandau: (about Helenth) “How would you know? I saw you unconscious at the feet of our gnomish friend fighting a stocky woman.”

Big Jim: “You mean you saw Irritable Gnome fighting this fat woman and you didn’t stop to help?”

Spandau: *long pause* “What do you mean?”

…

Spandau: “The gnome is a henchman, it is his job to perform rear-guard action.”

…

Big Jim: “If Sniveling Wayne is more brave than you are, what does that tell you?”

Heleth: “Yeah, he stayed at his post.”

Spandau: “He fled right behind me.”

Sniveling Wayne: “I saved Ornery Ex-Cooper… part of me thinks I was shoved back to be bait for oncoming monsters.”

Spandau: “No, I threw you clear of my shattering the doors so the rest of the party had a clear path of escape.”

Heleth tried to set fire to Spandau’s bed. Spandau directs the tiger into the bedroom after her…

Louis: “The tiger, seeing you drenched in blood, goes ape.”

Big Jim stopped the proceedings before things got out of control (ironic).

Big Jim grabs Spandau… “If you try to pull any of that shit again I am going to take your head off… running of and leaving us all to die… you left the combat area…”

A minor argument ensures as Heleth mistakenly drops some ashes in Apical’s room…

Spandau (muddling): “Excellent, draw the attention away from Spandau.”

The only thing that kept Spandau alive was the threat of the tiger. The party sleeps, until the morning…

Big Jim: “Give me some goodberries you asshole.”

Heleth buys a feast for everyone except Spandau, who eats a sandwich, then decided to intrude on the Gafilta’s pig roast next door.

Mr. Gafilta: “You’re with that suspicious crew that keeps a donkey outside.”

Spandau: “I don’t keep a donkey outside, some dick in my party does.”

Mr. Gafilta: “And someone over there sneaks into our latrine. I am sure of it.”

Spandau: “It’s that Halfling.”

…

Mr. Gafilta: “So you come begging for food here?”

Spandau: “Oh, I’m not begging… *long pause*… I’m telling…. We’re keeping this neighborhood safe.”

So Spandau buys the roasted pig and strolls through the Honeycomb Hideout to feast with his tiger.

Heleth (speaking about Big Jim): “He burns heretics, he’s not all bad.”

Big Jim: “That’s only because I was paid to.”

We visited the Shrine of the Waiting again to try to reach Jernix, but were told (by Brother Lerden) he has left for Dorath. He felt a sudden need to leave Sengazia for awhile.

Big Jim: “Well we could use some healing, brother, you know, while we are WAITING.”

Brother Lerden: “We do offering healing services to supporters of the Waiting.”

Big Jim: “Oh we support the Waiting big time.”

…

It is then suggested that, due to the party’s large size, that we might want to get a bigger place. We could certainly afford it.

Big Jim: “A mansion? It’s just gonna get burned down or taken over…. or beseiged by zombies. There’s no permanency here. I think we’re better of the way we are right now.”

We headed over to the Self-Reliant Shrine where Brother Meriam (the gossip) informed us of a horde of Undead running through the streets, only stopped at the cost of 12 men-at-arms…

Brother Meriam: “It is always useful to have the power of Acen to confront the Undead.”

Apical: “Speaking of the power of Acen; do you have any staltworthy young men who might want to follow us around in a huddled mass then encounter things and then break off into individual groups to deal with it in our own ways.”

Spandau compared The Self-Reliant to a reverse Voltron.

Louis: “Last session with the lawyer was the worst plan since we pulled the guy’s head off with a rope.”

Salesmanship

Heleth tried her hand at bargaining as Dankesh was royally pissed at Big Jim and, by extention, the rest of the party.

Dankesh: “You skin me and skin me again and still I listen to you, then you throw salt in my raw wound.”

Savio: “Are you looking to sell or do you want to put it up on consignment?”

Apical: “Fuck consignment.”

We completed selling the loot and called it a night. We gave Spandau the shaft with him getting 1 less GP in the division. During leveling up Andrew learned we are not playing 1st edition DnD. Dan took umbrage at us complaining that the system sucks.

Wrap Up

Dan (speaking about hirelings): “Most of the time they don’t realize we’re adventuring until the Kobold female throws the first rock.”

Another argument broke out over the death of Zaxin. Dan left him to die because of loyalty to the party.

Dan: “We didn’t kill him. The ghouls killed him… He wasn’t really a party member… He was your paid lackey… Who am I going to choose? Someone who has been with us awhile or some paid jerk you are going to use as your professional back-stabber against us?”

It was then brought up that Big Jim really shouldn’t have a Chaotic Good alignment after the fight with the lawyer and the incident with Zaxin.

Dan: “It was for the greater good. He’s chaotic greater good.”

Rob: “…oh yeah, our great duel against the lawyer.”

We yelled at Rob some more and he pointed out that we had fled the horde of undead at the end. Dan then said we had only a few hit points left and had no choice.

Louis: “Plus those ghouls have a paralyzing touch.”

Dan “Actually my character didn’t know that either, I just got scared shit-less.”

We agreed that we each fled in terror at some point, but Rob took it to 11.