Rob Leaves a Mark

They, whoever that is, say ‘to err is Human’, but in our world ‘to spill is Rob’. Those that read the sister blog to LIB, Comstock Days, have heard of the mail truck hooligan known as Rob. He has a long history of spilling, especially drinks. This spillage occurs at such high frequency that it is noteworthy whenever he does not spill. Why does a grown man in his thirty’s spill so frequently? For one, Rob likes to place his drink in a precarious position, at the very edge of the table. I suspect he has some fear of attention that subconsciously causes him to avoid the center of the table. Second, was his own revelation, at 30 years of age, “If I look at the cup as I reach for it (instead of blindly pawing at it) I spill a LOT less.” Third was Rob’s relatively high level of clutz-itude. This became such a problem we seriously considered purchasing him a sippy cub. Knowing Rob would whole-heartedly refuse to use this, other than maybe with beer, we looked for a different solution.

This brings me to my point. Hosting a gaming session requires some work, work that most people don’t think about. Sure, you can clear off your table and order some pizza and call that a gaming session, but if you apply a little elbow grease you can create a better experience for everyone.

An hour before the other were to show up I would break out my mental “geek night checklist”:

• move the coffee table to the middle of the chairs
• clear off the coffee table
• put the cup of writing implements in the table
• place the cup of dice on the table
• toss some scrap paper on the table
• set menus on table
• make sure there is an entire roll of paper towels at hand
• place the geek books on the table

This would cover setup for most people, however due to the Rob spillage factor I would also setup the “floor diaper”. I think it was Chris’s idea to put a rubber mat under Rob’s seat. This was the garlic to his vampiric mess. Once I starting using the “floor diaper” Rob never spilled again. To assure you his power were still intact, the two times over the next several years I forgot to invoke the “floor diaper” Rob spilled.

Another point on hosting a geek night is to maintain a set start time from week to week. This eliminates any confusion – gamers will show up late and putz around, so I suggest setting the time an hour before you really want to start. I offer the first person there gets to decide which menu we order from. Have everyone write down their order and once the last person is done, then make the call, return, and collect the money immediately so there is no mad dash for cash when the door bell rings. You also avoid forgetting to order until it is too late. Another tip when ordering is to tell everyone you will order exactly as they have written down, including lettuce, pickles, etc. Inform the other geeks that if you are asked if you want something that is not written down you will default to NO. I know it is daunting, but you may want to make a cursory cleaning sweep after the geeks leave (before you get into advancing your character that level you earned), if only to uncover cheese in the cushions and the like

Jumping back to further illustrate Rob’s mess-making abilities; when I moved to a new apartment I rolled back the carpet over which Rob say week in and week out, only to find his cascade of spills , though wiped up, had seeped through the carpet and had disintegrated the varnish covering the wooden floor! Even some of the wood had begun to dissolve. A high level of power he did have.

As a final example of the renown of Rob’s abilities I offer this. While attending a party at Chris’s house I was conversing with Rob and Ian. Ian spilled some dip onto the carpet. Rob pointed and laughed with great vigor at viewing someone else making a mess. Ian replied, “What are you laughing at? I could just tell everyone you did it an everyone would believe me.” Ian was such a believer of his point that he grabbed a chip-crushing mound of dip and threw it across the wall, “I will not have to say anything and Chris will immediately blame you.” My memory recalls Chris, in fact, blaming Rob, Rob’s lovable character, and the mundanely of Rob spilling, kept Chris from anger.